cold hot light

I feel that rush of neutral
that spreading of contentment
that comfortableness
that everything is okay.

life's not fantastic.
but its certainly okay.

------------------------
well, i hope so...

sand

if i was blind,
nobody to lead me,
it would all be okay,
for my dull mind would stay strong,
i would force my way through life.

unseeing,
lost in the dark,
it would all be okay,
for my small hands would reach out,
and drag my body through life.

what might those hands reach?
another blind man's hands?
just another mannequin?

or perhaps the dirt,
after all the hurt,
bloodstains on my shirt,

who had i been fighting?
who had been fighting me, the blind?

---------------------------
if i couldnt see... i would be...

what?

Did you know?

that after you stepped on my toes,
that after you pushed me to the dirt,
that after you kneed me in the stomach,
that after you punched me in the throat,
that after you grabbed a fistful my hair,
that after you slammed my face into concrete,
that after you sliced open my chest,
that after you shoved your hand into my body,
that after you hurled my still-beating heart against the wall,
that after you took my blood as ink to write your life,
that after you left my body to rot in the middle of my mind,

that you would be the happiest?

its a fair trade,
when i know nothing,
can say nothing,
deserve nothing,
this was more than i should have gained (nothing).

to aid is all i know.
to defy is all i can't.

while the chilled wind breathes over my glossy eyes,
while the water of the world caresses my mind,
while the stark-mad sun stretches its arms to warm my bones,
while the blizzards clutch my life times over,

i'll not know.
thought knows not of itself, but only of fancy.

-------------------------------------
random thoughts.

buzz
buzz
buzz.
like scary bees, stinging my brain. bees are scary.

at least there's honey.

scaly

fevered hot rusty-fingernail bony dead hands

clawing through flesh severing blood vessels thinning skin

misshapen lead body stretched rip burst emerge


awaken

--------------------------
tired.

stop signs.

i had a dream where i got a valentine.
it was a simple red heart, with some lace around the edges.
it said

"I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU

so stop trying"

in hastily scratched, angry letters.

----------------------------------------
but i'm not trying anything with anyone.

unless this just means to stop in general....?
mmnnh...

pop

i was walking on solid ground and tripped.
tripped over my words,
tripped over my own feet,
tripped on something lying there.

i started to fall forward.
nobody caught my arm to save my face.
nobody caught me,
the ground didnt catch me,
i just fell.

fell through everything.

there was only white,
as i fell.

--------------------------
sometimes when i'm reading things, the words i read make me think of things like this, and although my eyes are still on the page, i feel like i am frozen in time, seeing these images. feeling them. wondering what they are.

i daydream too often.

another dream

i went to protect her, and was thrown off the balcony ledge.
i seemed to be in a large hotel, where the balcony overlooked the lobby.
i experienced that feeling i always got in my stomach when i fell large distances in a dream.
as i was falling, i realized this was a dream, because of the fact i was falling.
everything suddenly went slow motion, and i closed my eyes as my body slowly kissed the cold laminate.

i was fine. it was...

------------------------------
interesting to say the least.

idea splash

a world where souls battle.

on the outside, everyone is the same-- is human.
but what about the inside? people have good souls, people have strong souls, some have twisted demon souls.

what if the main way to fight was with souls? your soul would separate from your body, along with your opponents. the soul wouldnt look human-- it could look like anything. souls can change appearance over time, but would have many characteristics that wouldnt change.

how would they fight...?
they could use a special "power" specific to the person. an extreme power would be controlling the other soul, or a small power could be using small orbs of light to hit the enemy like bullets. or it could be that each soul sort of has a weapon...?

every person and soul has a weakness. a key component would be finding their true weakness. you would have to be pretty clever to win, unlike me.

i'm personally mostly interested in how the different souls would look, as well as how the world would look.

it would be set a couple hundred years in the future, but sort of in a different world. basically our world with the soul thing added. napoleon would have had a fierce soul, jesus' soul would have been so bright that it would have shown out of him, hitler's soul might have been manipulative, that sort of thing.

marriages might be different too... something with joining of souls. people would also take much care with who they marry, and since souls can easily be seen if separated, then... it would make more sense that people don't separate. it isnt really possible, maybe? that the separation of a wedded soul from its partner is just unheard of? this would also mean that "soulmates" (ugh... i don't like that cliche...) could be same-sex.

what would the story be about?

... i don't know. something that involves lots of fighting of bad guys, destruction of evil... and a little romance or lack thereof.

you wouldnt be able to die completely from a fight, unless your soul is completely destroyed, exploded, gone. a weakened soul would just go back into the body it belongs. a soul can't touch a physical body, but the soul inside. this allows for some sort of "soul communication" that would be like whispering, only unheard, since the souls have to be so close. many people keep their souls very inside their own body, not wanting their soul touching anybody elses on accident (which wouldnt do much, just maybe reveal a slight hint of what they were feeling at the time), or some may let their soul sort of be "free floating" where it would be slightly expanded around them, almost like their aura.

only very few human eyes can see souls separated from the body. a few more than that can see a sort of "colour" or "wavering in the air" or "shadow" of a soul. Most people can only "feel" a soul (separated from a body) if they are walking through it or right next to it. walking through someone elses soul with your physical body wouldn't do anything drastic, it would be like touching a soul, where you would feel a slight hint of an emotion or something, because the body acts as a "buffer" between souls. The physical body is a safehouse for the soul.

if a soul has left the body, the physical body would maybe fall asleep? or just stand where it was? or... hm... i don't know.

what if the story was about some bad guys who would pull the soul apart from the body of people? if you were forcibly separated from your soul... hm.

-------------------------------------
in case you can't tell, i'm just sort of rambling.
its an idea i had, but i have a feeling its probably been done.

close(d)

i watched you as your head sunk beneath the once-still black waters of the lake.
i watched you for that split second.

then i dived in.
yanking you from the depths of the water i realized you were stuck.
thorns and icicles had wrapped around you, keeping you under.
i watched as your breath left your lungs in a huge soundless warbling bubble.

then i fought.
these icicles were nothing, easily melted with my lips, the thorns scratching you only needed gentle hands.
i watched as the thorns and ice receded, leaving your body to float blue-green before my eyes.

then i rose.
lifting you, i showed you where the surface was, where the shore was, where you could take your first new breaths of life.
i watched you breathe and open your eyes to the world above.

now i watch.
i watch you through waters green-brown as thorns rip through my skin.
i watch you breathe the damp air as i dare not breathe the damp.
i watch you.
you watched me.

-------------------------
whats with the drowning thing?

beats me.

whats with this story poem thing?

beats me.

dream

i had an incredibly vivid dream.
you couldn't get enough of me.
always sitting close,
wanting to touch, tickle, rub
my back.

out of nowhere, you snuck your head around my ear,
past my cheek,
kissed my lips.
in a cute sideways way.

it was perfect, just how i would want it--
my first kiss.
i was flustered, you--
smirking behind me.

but what does this mean for me?
for how i see you?
does this mean...

i really do like...
you?

---------------------------
or could it be my dreams telling me that you...

like me?
just wondering.
you never know.

water

i am blindfolded, unable to see anything but the tiny textures in the velvet over my eyes. because of my blindness, i feel more, hear more, smell more, taste more. i can feel my bare feet hitting the cold marble tile. i can hear the soft thud of each footstep of mine, as well as the constant rough click of the military boots. their uniforms make soft shifting swishing noises, the medals pinned to their chests give a small tinkling every once in a while. i can smell the military men as well, the smell of aftershave, hair gel, and cologne from the brigadier general in front, the faint smell of alcohol and sweat from the warrant officers and lieutenant ushering me down the hall. i can taste mint on my lips from the quick fleeting kiss of my closest friend, my love.

the men roughly turn my body to the right, we all stop walking. i believe we are now facing a door, waiting to go inside. my finely-tuned ears can hear the voices on the other side. it must be a big room to be holding all those people. suddenly, a hush falls over the bodiless voices, and one voice booms out, "Ladies and gentlemen, justice shall be served to the one who enters this room. The killer of innocents will be executed within the hour."

Killer of Innocents? will that be my name in the legends? their twisted version of the story could not be further from the truth.

~~~~

Clad in my very own brand-new high-quality cotton military officer uniform, I sat in the back of the vehicle with all the enlisted men. They eyed me warily-- apparently the patch expertly sewn onto the chest of my uniform that displayed my ranking as manlalaban attracted their curious eyes. I ignored them. They had a high chance of dying anyway.

The huge tan military junker was very jostly-- as the twenty of us bounced around in the back, i caught a glimpse of a small, svelte, open top coupe cutting its way through the desert. One person was standing up in the front, pointing toward the right, saying something unintelligible to the person driving. His long jacket had the same kelley-green patch as mine did. His goggles glinted in the bright sun as his head sharply turned to me. Our eyes met. The left side of his mouth twitched upward in a tight-lipped smile, he didn't want sand in his teeth. I grinned broadly, relishing my ability to smile in the back of the huge junker.

((gah, i'll write more later.))

holding

with the gunshot smack slap crash
my body drifts sideways
into through inside
the brown dirty dust of your past.

wind picks up as my body is held,
suspension.
hair stings my face as wind becomes
hurricane.
clothes whip me furiously, punishing
my flesh, punishing me for existing
within
the brown dirty dust of your past.

the dust thickens, brown shades into black,
all i can see is nothing, all i can feel is everything.

the wind still drives, pushing harder than before,
but my skin now numb from your warmth feels
nothing.

-------------------------
a body suspended, unable to move in brown dust.
that was the image stuck in my head....

but what does that mean?

never.

what did you think?
that sea-foam bubbles would
burst from my mouth and
float into your ears to
give you kind gifts and
soft warm delights to your
thought-riddled brain?

what did you think?
that my lovely head of hair would
turn twist into braids for you to
see and admire just for you to
rip them out of my scalp and
watch as my ruby blood
smeared poetics into your
softly sculpted chest?

what did you think?
that small spider sights would
leap from my eyes to yours and
give you new skies to
see?

what did you think?
that i would let you
ravish my coneflower soul and
drip your venom thoughts so to
bend me to your razorblade whims?

what did you think?
that my rock temple mind would
forgive those thorny rose happenings?

-------------------------------------

the last three stanzas don't match,

but i liked them anyways.