gray

please let me fade
into my mind.
so full of imaginary friends
and beautiful places-
i can find solace and peace.
i can find adventure.
i can find love.

just let me fade
into my feelings.
so full of nonexistent pain,
and overreactions-
i can find happiness and joy.
i can find agony.
i can find love.

----------
why won't you?

beware.

eyes gently closed,
you float on your back
in the dark water.

all is calm and quiet.
you hear the soft
lapping of water against
your body.

breathe in,
breathe out.
lungs work methodically,
heart beats so slow.

all you hear is the
whoosh of air entering your
lungs, the constant lubbing
of your heart with your ears under
the water.

your arms float at your sides.
your legs float below.
your body rises with every
intake of breath, and sinks
as you exhale.

something brushes your back,
tugs at your conciousness,
sweeps through your hair,
gently touches the back of your mind.

what is that?

your eyes flutter open, and see nothing.
nothing but thousands of stars.
a galaxy folded open for you,
only for you to see.

as you gaze at the universe,
cold hands reach up and around your naked torso,
and start to pull you down,
slowly,
gently,
down.

the hands belong to arms,
which belong to a body.
pulling you closer to itself.

pulling you under.

looking up, you see the blurry
images of those bright
stars through the waters.
and you burn these faint afterimages
into your mind's eye.
and hold them forever.

-------------------
a response to a pang of _______.

important.

clear blue eyes widen in fear,
sound fit to destroy the ear,
the nose wrinkles in disgust,
lips part and utter "you must."

shoulders gently slope like hills,
ribcage crushing lungs, it kills,
arms reaching out for close embrace,
heart inside soon starts to race.

------------
i realize i have missed so much,
and i don't know whats going on.

rain

it falls, drips, trickles down.
will you be my rain?
washing me clean of fault,
be my refreshing rain.
slowly fall, catch the top of my head,
don't hit the ground.

mingle with my tears,
and don't let me discern what is born
from sky
or eye.

add the wind, lash me with your angry drops.
stinging all you can touch, my rain.
i strive for your pain.

fill all empty crevices with your water,
lets hope together, rain.
can you fill me up to the brim?
can i possibly overflow?
for i feel so empty, so hollow,
so full of holes.

pools of water, let me tumble
my way in.
surrounded by you, the rain.
you are fluid, all around me,
and you have all become one.

drowning in you, my love, my rain.
you fill my lungs with the drops
from the sky.

i open my eyes,
try to see my last sight,
and cannot discern what is born
from sky or

myself.

---------------
do you love the rain?
i do.